When we met you, our bear cub.

I always told myself I would never forget the day I gave birth to my child, that was whilst I was pregnant.. Tell you what, I never will forget.

I had been in early labour on and off for weeks, it could of been close to a month. But honestly, the last month or so of my pregnancy is quite a blur! There had been moments in which I had contacted the midwife really thinking it was time just to be told I hadn’t even began dilating! The first 2 or 3 times that happened poor Nathan had to either call work or attempt to come home early! Needless to say after weeks of that,we were both tired, our nerves were totally shot and we were just sick of waiting.

So as woman, we all have this ‘ideal’ way we want to bring our children into this earth. Some of us are okay with a bit of compromise, and some of us have our plan set in stone. When your pregnant with your first child it’s so easy to assume that everything is going to go to plan and i’m sorry to say ladies but it rarely does. So, as my amazing midwife says, “Write your birth plan in pencil!”. Don’t beat yourself up for having to do something that wasn’t a part of your original plan, just take a deep breathe, and go with it.

After two extra weeks of waiting for our son, I finally caved and agreed to induction. This was organized to happen on Thursday the 19th of January, and funnily enough, he chose to start his journey 2 days prior. Nathan and I had just gone for another one of our many long walks on the Tuesday evening, in the hopes that the walk would help by pushing out boy down, and this time, waddling my huge belly around town finally did something. After having so many ‘false starts’ I wasn’t taking the small contractions seriously, neither was Nathan. I ended up calling the midwife at 7am on Wednesday morning after having absolutely zero sleep. My contractions had gotten to five minutes apart, but because of my history with false starts, being a first time mama to be and having an O.P baby I had to sit tight until my contractions had reached a constant two minutes apart.

The last night that Nathan and I were to ever spend alone together was spent with me rolling around on my swiss ball and playing monopoly. What a last night! I was to be in the hospital at 7am the next morning in the hopes of being induced sometime that day. I didn’t end up having to wait that long. After calling the midwife at 2am on Thursday morning, I was finally given the all clear to get my pregnant butt to the hospital.

We were told we should expect to have our bear cub in our arms by 9am, everything was going to plan and it looked like I was heading towards the birth I had always wanted; natural with zero interventions.

I had to have my waters popped manually, which I promise does not hurt, and even if it did, labour is a very decent distraction. By that point my sister had arrived, my parents were running late and labour was in full swing. I’ll never forget when the midwife checked me again, to tell me that our boys head had moved up and I hadn’t progressed but gone backwards, my heart fell out of my mouth and through the floor.

I felt like my body wasn’t actually meant to bring our cub into this world. I felt like my body had totally let me down. I was told my last chance at a vaginal birth was an epidural.  Once the epidural had been successful, I was then placed onto what felt like thousands of tubes and machines. I was then put on syntocinon to try and help our boy out, and that’s when it became scary for me. His heart rate dropped with every contraction.


My memory is a hazy here. I was up to my eyeballs in local, morphine and god knows what else that was in that cocktail. I remember holding Nathan’s hand, shaking violently and then he burst out in tears. It hit me then just how taxing this entire situation truly was on my incredible companion. After so many stops and starts, it was finally happening, and how scary? His companion was being sliced open.

Once Torben was in this world I almost instantly forgot everything, i almost forgot my name, who I was and where I was, all that mattered was this beautiful child asleep on my breast.

cofI am forever changed,

Everyday presents a new journey and a new level of happiness I never thought was achievable. Some days are tiring, some days I try to eat the T.V remote and change the channel with a banana, but its all worth every hour of lost sleep.



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