My journey begins when I found out I was pregnant just before my 24th birthday in may last year, and I’ll never forget it.
My partner Nathan and I had been together for over a year and had started planning our move overseas. We had just booked and paid for our tickets to Melbourne Australia; we were looking forward to starting our O.E!
My period was one day late, and I just knew then, that I was pregnant. Although I hadn’t taken any tests, my body just felt so different. I went to the local supermarket whilst my partner was at work and grabbed a variety of tests, not trusting one to be enough. The moment I got home I ran upstairs, straight to the toilet and ripped the box to one of the pregnancy tests apart and began the longest piss of my life. As much as I “just knew” I was pregnant in the back of my mind, I still wasn’t mentally prepared for the blue line to appear on that stick.
The only thing my mind or my mouth could physically muster to say was “Fuck”, over and over and over again. I even dramatically slid down the wall of the bathroom to end on the floor and have my head cupped in my hands, still saying “fuck”.
I was in a loving totally functional adult relationship; we were financially pretty decent, my partner was/is an incredibly hard, loyal worker and partner. He is the perfect candidate for a father. We had a home, although somewhat small and only set up for the two of us, we could definitely make it work. But it wasn’t part of our “plan” and that’s what freaked me out so much. Plain and simple, I was freaked out.
I still wish I hadn’t told Nathan in this way but, in my panic attack I TEXTED the poor man whilst he was at work. Don’t ask me what I was thinking, because I don’t think I had the capacity to do so at that point in time!
Once he got home he seemed fine! As if I hadn’t told him one of the potentially most life altering things any human being can go through. He asked me what I wanted to do, totally respectfully this man of mine is. I honestly didn’t know at that point in time. We agreed to let me ponder on this for a couple of days (or weeks) to figure it all out. Nathan said it was completely up to me and that he would support any choice I decided on, how lucky am I?
Naturally, after having a miscarriage early on in our relationship and feeling the pain of losing a child, (that’s an entire blog post in itself) even though we had planned to terminate, I decided to keep this wee peanut growing inside of me.
After feeling absolutely freaked out, I felt the polar opposite; complete.
Almost 11 months after finding out about our little bear cub, I have learned so much in such a short amount of time and feel like I have a lot of loving, true and raw advice to offer mothers or mothers to be. This is and will be my documented and honest journey through motherhood.
All the love and support in the world to all of you incredible woman,
The Three bears.